Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I've Come a Long Way, Baby

“What happened to you? Last I heard, you were at the top of your class, you loved your country, and you were a model citizen. Then you appear before me in the court for a crime such as this. You have come a long way, Wesley. How does the accused plead?”

Wesley looked up from the stand, into the icy eyes of the judge, and said, “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

The bailiff spit out his coffee in shock; he, as well as everyone else in the courtroom, knew that the boy was full of it. The judge caught wind of this and continued, “You mean to tell me, under oath, that you mean to plead ‘not guilty’ to the charges?”

Wesley thought about his response. He finally added, “Well, no. I did it–”

A large gasp fell over the crowd.

Wesley paused again, surprised at the reaction, before continuing, “I did it, but I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Silence fell over the courtroom, besides a faint sobbing of a small child that could be heard near the back of the room. The child eventually quieted down once the child’s mother reassured him as best as she could.

The judge proceeded, “Let it be known that the accused pleaded guilty to this most heinous of crimes. Now, the accused shall be sentenced to–”

“But I didn’t do anything wrong!”

The stone cold gaze of the judge came back to Wesley. Whispering in the courtroom grew to louder discussion. The judge pounded his gavel on his block, “Order! Order in the courtroom!”

He then proceeded to point the gavel straight at Wesley, “You aren’t in a position to tell us what is right and wrong. The law is on the books, and you disobeyed it.”

Wesley shook his head in disbelief, “I didn’t do anything wrong…I mean, I’d do it again in a second.”

A larger gasp than the first ensued and people started shouting. Several members of the jury stood up in disbelief, and one of the jurors fainted. “Order!” shouted the judge, pounding his gavel once more, “Order!”

“I mean, I crossed the street on a red light, but there weren’t even any cars coming! I didn’t do anything wrong!” continued Wesley.

“Such a thing to say! You broke the law,” the judge was at a loss of words, “How can you say such things?”

Wesley looked at the crowd and couldn’t help smiling at the recklessness that the judge could not control. He looked back at the judge and said, “I guess I’ve come a long way, baby.”

6 comments:

Dust said...

I'm very dissapointed in you. Making fun of running (or walking in this case) a red light? You used to be such a good, respectable boy. You had such promise. I really didn't want to alert the thought police, but you left me no choice. They'll be thinking at you as we speak.

Gustavo B. Rockwell said...

Don't do something like that, Bryan. You'll just anger them. The thought police are obviously monitoring me all the time, and alerting them of something they already know is just redundant and a huge waste of their time.

Dust said...

Hey. I think about paying my taxes! Taxes that pay their salaries!

Gustavo B. Rockwell said...

But they have the authority to pwn you at a whim, so watch your back.

Shauna said...

lol, I wasn't expecting that!

Gustavo B. Rockwell said...

Were you expecting, uhhh...maybe the Addam's Family?

...I should watch that STUPID movie again...