Tuesday, November 4, 2008

When I look back

I can only laugh.

Can I describe to you the feeling? It’s like you’re chasing your destiny. The wind calls out your name. You have your blurry sights set on your near future, thinking something like: “This is justice. I am the hand of justice.”
You can feel your lips tighten as everything around you gets quiet. It’s quite exhilarating to behold. Each stride passes as your hands cut the still air around you and your feet stampede across the cracked earth. If you do it long enough, your mind starts to silence; as if you can feel your thoughts collect and dissipate. Only one thing matters now, as it so happens, and life rests on the backburner for the moment. Life wouldn’t dare interrupt you now.

Have you ever moved so fast you experienced tunnel vision?

It was a chase, you see. Adrenaline is a funny thing – makes you do stupid things, but there would have been something wrong with me if I didn’t heed the call.
I digress though; let me tell you what happened while I still can.

Nobody knew who he was, but he was donned in drab grey and wore a mask, as most criminals do. He came as soon as he left, nobody knew what he wanted. Funny what a man does for no reason.

Killed four people quick as he left too, it was bedlam I have to admit.
You know, it starts in your belly, boils up a bit, and then your heart starts going. Even if you tried to ignore it, your chest tightens up, and by then it’s too late. Quick as I could, I grabbed the double barrel from under my desk and pursued on foot. Never was I able to run so fast, but there I was, fuelled by my purpose.

I… I wasn’t thinking straight, but it didn’t matter. Hell, I don’t even think what he did mattered now; it was what I did in response that was important.
It all comes down to a battle of primal urges in the end. It wasn’t about being the hand of justice anymore. Neither of us was going to back down; it becomes a competition between two men, rather than a clash of good and evil.
It’s funny how meaning dissolves when you get so close to your instinctive natures. Pains me to admit it, but for that moment, I was able to grasp better the meaning behind his actions.

There I was, looking him down over the spine of two barrels. Two shots fired, two shots hit. But, stupid me; I hadn’t cleaned the damn thing in too long, and I had remembered why I had it under my desk in the first place. One of the barrels jammed, backfired on me. Pellets in the chest hurt like sin. He fell, shot right in the spine, nearly killed him on the spot. I fell as well; Two shots fired, two shots hit.

Was it my punishment for losing myself? The thrill of the hunt became more important then the damn reason I got out here in the first place. I guess its true what they say, Truth and justice always win, and I lost to justice today.

Funny how life does this to you; The good guy meets his maker same time the bad guy does, it’s the type of bittersweet humour you don’t appreciate until you’re the punch line.

As I said, all I can do now is laugh.