Thursday, January 29, 2015

It would take him 4 seconds to fix a boiler, and half that to 'fix' you.

Thursday January 30th, 3:00pm

"Alright, it's done. The memo has been sent. This weekend our middle management will all be under the impression that their weekend plans have been extended considerably." The director proclaimed. The board looked around at each other.

The room spoke. "But they won't be, right?"

"What do you think? Wait, let me rephrase that to telling you what they'll think. They'll think they've all been performing so well that they deserve a two week vacation and a discounted company flight package to Cancun. Well at least those that lack perspective will." continued the director, letting out a casual chuckle. "That should keep the majority of them out of the way while we call for a vote."

Concern still lingered in the air, to a degree. "And those who don't lack common perception? Or those who simply don't want to go away for 2 weeks?"

Another board member spoke up. "We'll tell them that they passed a test, of sorts. We'll just offer them some phony bologna stock options in a subsidiary that we'll have dissolved by Monday and send them on a weekend getaway at a spa or something."

"Sure, but what about those who can tell what's going on?" murmured the board table.

"Well, they're probably not new to the business. We'll offer them an incentive in the form of a handsome severance on the condition that they sign a non-disclosure agreement and leave quietly. I don't foresee any issues with this, but if they get violent make sure security is present in HR."

The board lifted. All loose ends, it seemed, were tied.

Then, it struck them, at once and almost instantly.

"Oh crap, what about Richard Thompson?" The name Richard Thompson was whispered nervously around the table.

Richard Thompson, the name itself adds one thousand pounds of pressure to any room it's muttered in. The lights grow dim. The air grows thick and chokes around you. You can see your breath as you exhale. So dark... so cold...

The tension couldn't even be cut with a knife now. "Well? Do we have a Thompson plan?!" "Um, uhh" the director nervously shuffled through papers on the table, attempting to look like there was a plan in there the whole time. What an oversight!

"Um... okay, we have a big contingency. Let's pay Thompson off with an offer of four hundred thousand. That should take care of that."

The room hissed and shuddered. Money was of little concern to Thompson, everyone knew that. Some of the members were shutting off their laptops and packing up to head towards the door.

At first, the doors clicked quietly with the indication that they would be locked in the room from the outside. Then, the lights quickly cut out, but only for a few seconds. They came back on with an orange glow indicating that they are all now facing a real emergency. Thompson was behind the director, crouching on one knee. The director surveyed the room, noting that the rest of the board members were passed out on the table. Richard leaned in closer, whispering in the ear: "Dear director, I sure hope you're not fixing for a hostile takeover.  I really do love this company the way it is." he paused.   "You know, they say I'm the one who put the word hostile in hostile takeover."

The director only let out a hushed scream. Thompson snapped his fingers and the emergency lights cut out. Only 3 seconds later they came back on, with the rest of the board waking up and Richard nowhere to be found.

"Okay, in light of recent circumstances, I'd like to move in quite a different direction. Can we vote on this motion?"

Shaken voices resounded "Aye."


World War Faive said...

Sorry, I had line breaks when I was composing this but they didn't show up. I'm not used to this new version of the editor.

World War Faive said...

Okay - I fixed it now. I was composing in HTML which you need to manually add line breaks. I just used the "Compose" tab.

Shauna said...

lol, glad you got it figured out. :)

Man, don't mess with Richard Thompson!