Friday, July 31, 2015

Outside and In


"It's Carl now," I said.  I wanted to run up and hug him like I normally do.  But I knew from the tone of his voice that I shouldn't.  "I didn't realize you were home."

"Just for the summer."  His eyes gave me the once over before shifting to the window, refusing to look at me.  "So you finally did it."

"Babe, you knew I was going to."  I gestured down at my body, even though I knew he wasn't watching.  It was still thrilling to know that I could look down and actually see the masculine body I always thought should be there.  "Now I finally feel like my outside matches my insides."

I lightly touched his arm.  He flinched away, but I refused to let go.  "It's still me, babe.  Just now it's the real me."

"I'm sorry," he said after a long moment.  "I'm happy for you.  I really am.  But now, seeing you like this, I just...can't."

I stood there for a long moment.  And although it still pains me to this day, I dropped my hand from his arm.

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