“You know, I’m not as confident as I look.”
“So, I started seeing this woman.”
“When I go to these parties, I always worry like mad. I mean, in the back of my mind, I’m always sure things are going to go fine, but insecurities are always holding me back. Of course, the alcohol helps me get out of my shell, but that’s not enough on its own.”
“Well, not really seeing so much as getting some action with on the side. It’s been ongoing for a while now, but I really haven’t told anyone. Not because I’m trying that hard to keep this from my wife or anything, hell no. She’s sleeping around behind my back all the time, so I don’t care if she finds out. But it’s mainly because this woman’s black.”
“Sometimes, I do some strange things to prepare for a gathering like this. You know, I like to practice witty banter and all that, making sure my body language is working with me and not against me.”
“Anyway, I didn’t want her coming into my apartment, so I kept meeting at her place for a little poon. Nothing really special to report on for the most part, but lately some strange things were happening.”
“It’s times like this that a mirror can really be my best friend.”
“For one, I kept noticing this van parked across the street. Of course, it’s a sketchy neighbourhood, so I expected some drug dealers or something, peddling to little kids or whatever.”
“And right beforehand, I really have to psyche myself up. To get into a fun mindset; in order to make sure I’m approachable. I’ll normally throw on some upbeat tunes that I really like while I get ready.”
“Last time I went though, turns out they weren’t dealers. The van opened up, and these big white guys came out, smashing and yelling and beating people. It looked like they were letting ’em know who’s boss.”
“Then I’ll look myself in the eyes, in the mirror of course. I’ll tell myself that I can do this, close my eyes, and sigh deeply.”
“Long story short, I figured it was best that I didn’t go down there anymore. Haven’t heard from her since, but I don’t really care. Found myself another woman on the side.”
“Then I’ll look into my eyes again. I’ll ruffle my hair and flip up my collar. I’ll smile big, snap my fingers, and tell myself, ‘Hey there, sexy. I’ll see you at the beach.’”
Friday, December 12, 2008
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lol, the ending is awesome!
I'm impressed. All the work here is fantastic, but this to me is the best I've ever read. Good show.
Thanks guys. This was the best thing I could come up with that I felt fully went in the spirit of the quote. And yeah, the ending still makes me laugh.
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